“You can’t eat beauty…it doesn’t feed you” — Lupita Nyong’o’s mother.

When Lupita Nyong’o won the Best Breakthrough Performance award at the Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon, she shared one of the things her mother said to her when she was younger and used to express dissatisfaction with the way she looked. Her mother would say, “You can’t eat beauty…it doesn’t feed you.”

In her speech, Lupita went on to say, “Finally I realised that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to be. And what my mother meant when she said ‘you can’t eat beauty’ was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you…”

I don’t remember how I came across the clip of that speech, but it was quite some time ago and I still haven’t forgotten those words — you can’t eat beauty. I wanted to start this post with those words because, although you may care about what you see physically when you look in the mirror, that reflection alone cannot truly sustain you or your happiness.

So without further ado, if you’re ready to come on this journey of love and appreciation with me, here are some things that I think will —

Step 1. Getting your head right. Loving your body has to start with your mental state and you feeling good in yourself. You have to make sure that you are so strong mentally that no one can truly break your confidence. That starts with being kind to yourself. I know I’m supportive of my friends. I boost them up and let them know that they are indeed beautiful, so why not do the same for yourself? Give yourself that same energy. And even if you don’t mean it right now, fake it till you make it.

When I was in college, I used to use a marker to write affirmations all over my mirror, so that every time I was getting dressed or looked in it before I left my room, I would see them.

I wrote:

“You are worthy”

“I appreciate you”

“You are beautiful”

“You will get straight A’s this semester”…

Amongst other things and at the top of my bathroom mirror, it read: “The sun shall not smite I by day, nor the moon by night.”

That is a snippet of one of my favourite bible verses because it signifies that I am never alone, nor can I ever be conquered or destroyed because I am protected.

The writing will fade into the background and seem to become a part of the mirror itself. You may not consciously notice the words every single time you look at them, sometimes you do. But, I think even subconsciously, the words stick in your head.

I got all A’s the last two semesters I wrote those words on my mirror. Of course, I don’t think the words magically made me arrive at straight A’s…but it all starts with the mind.

*Whatever is going on mentally, shows on you physically. For instance, constant stress and anxiety contribute to random breakouts, looking tired and sometimes, even unwell. For some ways to help manage your mental health, you can read my post: ,,Self-love ain’t Selfish.

Step 2. Keep good people around you. Pause. Read that again. Keep good people around you. Not everyone you socialise with is your ‘friend’ and not everyone who seeks to be in your company has your best interest at heart. You know who those people are by the ones that support and listen to you. Because, the truth is you’re going to need help sometimes on this journey of self-love and acceptance; some good people, good friends, to lift you up and give you a boost to help you stay on track.

Step 3. Loving your body means, treating it well. And by that I mean, being mindful of what you’re putting in it. You know that expression: “You are what you eat”? Yeah, it’s true. If you’re constantly eating junk food, drinking alcohol and smoking heavily, you’re going to feel like shit, plain and simple. Your body requires a certain amount of nutrients, vitamins and minerals to function properly which, unfortunately, Appleton and KFC, even though they are my favourites, do not offer.

Introduce some fruits and vegetables, maybe a smoothie in the morning to get your daily serving and keep the junk-food-eating to a minimum.

Treating your body well includes doing something to get your heart rate up. Yes, exercise. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, it can be something as simple as walking for half an hour every day, or doing a little squat challenge here and there. Exercise not only helps to tone your body but releases endorphins which are known as ‘happy hormones’ which help to improve your mood. (Check out my posts: Squat & Sip and Walk & Water for more.)

And I cannot stress this enough – Drink enough water. (Especially if you’re drinking alcohol because it contributes to dehydration.) At least, eight, 8oz glasses a day.

We often overlook how much not drinking enough water can affect the body. Dehydration often causes dry skin, headache, tiredness, fatigue along with other discomforts. However, if you have become accustomed to feeling drained all the time, then you might not realise it could be due to lack of water.

Not to mention that increasing your daily water intake can also improve the overall clarity of your skin. What I do to make it easier is, have a large water bottle that can hold the amount of water I’m supposed to have and drink it slowly throughout the day, rather than constantly refilling a cup or glass. And yes, when you just start increasing your water intake, it may seem bothersome, especially because you’re probably going to have to go to the bathroom more often, but it’s worth it and you’ll get used to it.

*Some healthy foods that are said to help improve your mood: bananas, dark chocolate and berries. (Honestly, red wine in an extra-large glass after a long day could help too).

Step 4. Get rest! Trust me, beauty sleep is not a myth. Lack of sleep causes grumpiness and irritability. It also causes bags under your eyes and your face to look drawn. So, in fact, getting more rest will automatically improve your mood and the way you look. You’d be surprised how good you feel and how bright and rosy your face looks when you get good rest. Also, eating well and exercising won’t do much, if you’re not sleeping well. Over-the-counter Melatonin (which is natural) or chamomile tea might be your best bet if you’re having trouble sleeping.

Step 5. Don’t subject yourself to ridiculous standards. — Don’t take social media too seriously. You don’t have to completely cut it out, but remember that what you’re seeing is the best part of someone’s life, not the in-between and certainly not the worst. Not to mention, the selecting and editing process before those pictures are posted. What you end up seeing, has almost always been gone over and over with a fine-toothed comb and is the best of the best of whatever event or experience. Follow people that are uplifting and encouraging so that your timeline reflects more than small waists and big booties.

Step 6. Treat yourself from time to time! You deserve it. Whatever that mode of self-care looks like for you, go to the beach, go to the hairdresser, get that mani-pedi, read that book, take that bubble bath or that long drive etc. But whatever it is, do something nice for yourself, even if it means just giving yourself a day to lie down and do nothing.

And last but not least —

Step 7. This might sound silly or trivial but, wear nice underwear! Pretty underwear, underwear you like, that makes you feel good, even though you’re not seeing it, somehow it helps. Dress up sometimes! Put on makeup. Put yourself together, you’ll be surprised at how good you feel, when you look good.

Check out my Makeup Starter Kit for some affordable makeup basics.

I hope all of these steps help on your journey to self-love.

“…Finally, I realised that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to be. And what my mother meant when she said ‘you can’t eat beauty’ was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you. What actually sustains us, what is fundamentally beautiful, is compassion –for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty inflames the heart and enchants the soul” — Lupita Nyong’o.