I have so many blog post topics written on a notepad, untouched; not really feeling inspired or excited to write about any of them, especially as the year continues to get more challenging.

And then … yesterday, amidst this strange and heavy time, someone gave me a rather strange compliment. The person said, “You’re very proportionate.” I had to chuckle. What a funny thing to say.

“Thank you, I think,” I said.

But the reason he was saying that was because I was complaining about my body. Saying that everybody seems to have a “bottom”, except me. Still, I didn’t pay his comment much attention.

And then today as I was scrolling through Pinterest, something that has now become a part of my daily morning routine, I sleepily glanced at a pin that read something along the lines of loving you, no matter what size you are. Right then I knew, that’s what I should write about: being satisfied; no, not even satisfied, being grateful for and loving your body, just as it is.

Recently, whenever I see someone I haven’t seen in a long time, they almost right away ask why I’m starving myself, or who/what is stressing me out, because of how much weight I’ve lost. I have noticed it myself as well. In fact, in conversations with anyone about exercise or body goals, which seems quite frequent of late, I’ve found myself complaining about how slim I am now and saying “I just want to put on 5-10 pounds and then I’ll be good” or “Ye man I just want a little more bottom”.

When I went away to France 3 years ago, each day was consumed with wine and cheese and pastry and new foods. This was the second time I had gone to a new country and gained noticeable weight. I was drinking wine pretty much every day, not to mention, weekends usually consisted of hard liquor. Now, I deplore hangovers. So I was determined not to have them; no matter what time I got back to my apartment, after an evening of drinking, I was in the kitchen making a full course meal and drinking a gallon of water. The constant late-night eating and incessant wine drinking was the perfect combination to have me looking rather plump.

I was actually talking to my dear friend, exclaiming about how nice and thick I looked back then. But, she swiftly reminded me of the panic I was in about the weight and how unhappy I was with the way I looked at the time. Then I remembered … I did think I was getting chunky. Of course, my clothes still looked good on me, but I was self-conscious about putting on a bikini or a carnival costume when I went back to Jamaica. By the time the second semester came around, I was buying all kinds of slimming teas and researching all kinds of foods which promised to quell one’s appetite. I was not about to go home and hear about how much weight I had put on; not again. I was even making workout plans and of course, not sticking to them.

But the truth is, it was never that serious. And whatever body I put in that carnival costume would have to do, as far as I was concerned, who didn’t like what they saw, didn’t have to look, as we say in Jamaica, ‘who don’t like it, can bite it’.

I don’t live in a fairytale world where I imagine that every morning, I’m going to wake up and say I love my body, that’s quite unrealistic. I’m certainly not suggesting that self-improvement is not a good thing either. But, the truth is there may always be some part of your body that you may not think is ideal. If you don’t believe you are enough no amount of physical alterations or empty compliments will ever be enough. You should love your body, for no other reason, than that it is yours.

“You’re very proportionate,” he said. I think the person meant your body fits you. All the curves, no matter how big or how small, are just right for you. The lil booty that I complain about, is just right for me.

As women, we are often so hard on ourselves. We judge ourselves so harshly and are in this constant race to look a particular way. We see these ever-changing standards of beauty on every social platform, so much so, that it becomes hard to keep up. It’s so easy to identify someone else’s desirable features, but that person undoubtedly has insecurities as well. So, I’ve decided today that I’m over it. I’m over complaining and comparing.

What if we stopped wishing we could look like somebody else and started embracing ourselves? What if we reminded ourselves that we are all different and unique and it would be a boring-ass world if everyone looked the same? What if we became our own body goals?

It is a process, but I’m starting to give myself some grace today and trying to figure out what that looks like moving forward.

I think loving yourself and your body starts with how you condition your mind and how you treat and take care of yourself. If you’re ready to come on this journey of love and appreciation with me, remember to look out for my next post.