I had this belief that I couldn’t gain weight or not a noticeable amount, at the very least. In my experience, often when we gain unwanted weight or lose weight without trying or wanting to, it is due to stress, anxiety and, or depression. Bear in mind, when I went away to boarding school, I had never experienced any temperature below 70 degrees Fahrenheit. My idea of ‘dressing warm’ was a pair of jeans and maybe a sweater. I’d never even seen snow before. So moving to Connecticut where the temperatures dropped to record lows every year had me in for a wicked time. The mornings were the worst. I would walk from my dorm to campus in as many layers as possible. I remember bawling my eyes out one night asking parents why they had done this to me. The first day the temperature dropped below 69 degrees, I literally thought I was going to die.

Warm weather, it has a way of embracing you. It made me feel safe, at home. Well of course it did. I was born in the warmth and grown up all my life up until that point in the tropics. There was something about the chilly breeze whipping across my face that was daunting. It felt almost unbearable. It felt like there was never enough clothes, never enough scarfs, hats and gloves. None of which I had at the time because it was 60 degrees in September. And I was told, the worst was yet to come. To say the least, I was homesick.

Being inside all the time, hiding from the cold meant less physical activity. As it got colder, going anywhere that was not a necessity became more and more taxing. I was always a petite girl. I stood at 5’2 and 109lbs. Prior to going to boarding school, I had always been active, dancing, cheerleading, riding my bicycle, I used to swim, not to mention being on the planning and clean-up committee for almost every school event, concert or fundraiser while I was in Jamaica. I had always been small, so I subconsciously believed I couldn’t gain weight, not realizing that my lifestyle had significantly changed. I didn’t notice the changes in my body because I was always cloaked in clothes. I did notice my clothes getting a little tighter, however, but I didn’t pay it much attention. Disliking the dining hall food so much caused me to overindulge whenever it was something good or I could get off-campus to have a meal. Sprinkle a little seasonal depression and homesickness into that recipe and by December I went home for the Christmas holiday over 15lbs heavier than when I left, and everyone let me know it.

Someone always had something to say. My dad especially would not put down the weight conversation at all. You know what I’m talking about especially if come from Jamaica, or anywhere in the Caribbean for that matter. When you come back ‘from foreign’, the first thing your aunties and grannies want to say to you is “you get fat man”; “foreign ‘gree with you, you looking round up” and the whole shebang. Then there were the slight comments from other family members as if I didn’t own a mirror or a scale. Some of them were meant to be harmless, but nonetheless still hurt. I remember going to a beach party, that same fateful December, and at the party, a relative, in his intoxicated state, suggested that we should start swimming laps…at the party as if to say that would magically make me drop the weight right then and there. I was mortified.

Click here for Part 2.